Ahhh...there's nothing like a little retail therapy to soothe the wounded soul. I think I need a 12-step program to cure my insatiable appetite for new clothes, but on the bright side I finally found an outfit to wear to the anniversary party tomorrow. My mom told me today that it's got to stop or Jesse is going to have to build an addition on to the house just to store my clothes. Maybe she's right - when laundry day rolls around and I'm putting away clothes it's alot like Christmas because I'm always saying "Yay-I forgot I had that." Oh, and to further justify my habit, I need lots of business clothing for my job in Japan (no casual clothing on the job site), so jaunts to the mall like today's are only helping me to amass what I'll end up needing anway. My propensity to shop only helps to solidify Jesse's argument that I should never EVER have been issued a credit card by my unsuspecting bank (if you'd ever seen me up at 3AM drooling over yet another infomercial, you'd understand his side of things); I hate that he's always right, but what was I going to do? Not shop? Puh-lease.
As Jesse is out with the "comic-shop boys" tonight I have rented some movies that he would only groan and roll his eyes through. And it's also high time that I spent an evening on personal maintenance - you ladies know what I mean; there's nothing like an impending event to motivate you to pluck, shave, paint, etc. everything that needs attention. Afterall, what's the point of spending money on a sexy new outfit if you're going to go out with a unibrow? I:) Not gonna happen.
I'm off to attend to business while I'm still motivated! :)  ¶ 6/28/2003 10:32:00 AM

  Some of you may have noticed that this blog has become a place for me to rant about my health issues, rather than to discuss my being "Japan-Bound," so I've decided to remedy that as much as possible, even though this is more like a journal because I haven't actually left yet. There haven't really been any new developments regarding my trip; hence the lack of info. I still have to figure out my health plan stuff (WILL do that this weekend if it kills me) and once I've chosen a carrier, send it to [insert company name] with yet another passport photo. The thing that kills me is that each set of passport photos seems to get better than the last, making the ones I actually have to see for five years the very worst that I had taken. The last set was immeasurably better, but I had already applied for my passport and could do nothing about it. Oh well; not many people will see the photos anyway (just the arresting authorities at Immigration, right?!)
We have a very busy weekend ahead of us, so I don't know if I'll get a chance to write; Saturday we have Jesse's grandparents' 60th anniversary party, and then a party at Tracy's later that night, and then on Sunday his dad and Val are having us over for dinner.
As much as I love to swim, the old bathing suit doesn't fit the same as it did last year (I swear the manufacturers make them with shrinking fabric so you have to keep spending money on a new one every year), so I doubt I'll take advantage of their being on the lake. Too many people around and such. I am too self conscious for my own good, and am at an age where I just shouldn't care anymore but I do. Maybe that's a myth though; part of the reason I had such a hard time turning 25 is that I thought I'd have all this wisdom now, about who I am and who I want to be. You would think that I would just focus on all of the things I do have going for me, and that I wouldn't buy in to society's ridiculous expectations for women, and usually I don't. But then sometimes I do, even though the rational part of my brain (yes there is one) tries to step in and kick my own ass for being so silly. Why I picked 25 as the age at which I expected to have my big epiphany is beyond me, but it still hasn't happened. Sure I've picked up some wisdom along the way, and every experience I've ever had has helped to contribute to who I am, but I feel so ready now to figure everything out. One thing I do know for sure though is that a body is merely an envelope, and that within it are all the words that speak the truth about a person's soul. I hope you can see and hear my words for what they are, as sometimes I get lost in them.
  ¶ 6/27/2003 02:57:00 PM

  Greetings from the lump and I. We're doing just fine, thank you for asking, and heading off for an ultrasound on July 18th. It'll be a piece of cake waiting for three weeks to have this dealt with. Really. Three weeks is no time at all. I'm fine. Really. PS: If you should happen by the house and see me drooling in a corner, don't stop, don't try to console me, just run. Oh yeah - and then come back with some rum.  ¶ 6/26/2003 12:53:00 PM

  I have never known what it feels like to have your life flash before your eyes; I thought I knew, but when I remember things like close calls in a car or being growled at by a cougar, even they don't compare to how I feel right now. Apparently the doctor is, in fact, "a little concerned" about the size and tenderness of the lump in my throat and scheduled me PRONTO for an ultrasound at the hospital. So here's the thing: I totally know I'm fine and that it's nothing to get all worked up about - at least, that's what the rational half (ok third) of my brain is saying. The irrational part, on the other hand, is doing nothing to calm the butterflies flip-flopping around in my stomach, nor to alleviate my propensity to picture morbid and ghastly outcomes. Those closest to me would say "oh that's just Meeg being a hypochondriac again," but that's really easy to say when you're not the one with a worrisome, growing lump in your throat. So I'm trying to remain positive and keep in mind the fact that I am wonderful and amazing, and therefore not going anywhere any time soon. You're all welcome to remind me of that as often as you want by the way (I mean the part about my being wonderful and amazing). ;)
Well it's obviously been a long day and this is the last place I feel like being right now. Will keep you posted!  ¶ 6/25/2003 10:29:00 AM

  Well it seems that Saturday can now be added to our list of successes (if two can even be called a "list"). Everyone kept saying what good parties we throw etc. and my response was that it's not really up to us how things go; it's all about providing the venue and inviting the right people. And we are so blessed that "our people" get along so well because that's what makes nights like Saturday so fun. Whenever I'm down in the dumps I try to remember how many incredible people I have in my life, and how lucky I am that I can put them all in the same room and watch them get along. There's no greater gift. I no longer know where the line is that separates our family from our friends, because we like our family so much they're friends, and we love our friends so much they're family.
Anyway, good times, good times. Can't wait to do it again. Oh and to those of you who like to make fun of how much food I make, all that got thrown out on Saturday was a couple bowls of chips; don't mess with the pro people! I am obviously the queen of entertaining. ;)
My birthday (Sunday) consisted of a very busy day while running on no food and 4 hours of sleep. I woke up and went shopping with Barb (thanks for the awesome clothes), and Jesse was kind enough to take care of ALL of the clean-up for me which was a great gift in and of itself. After shopping we had dinner with mom, David and Michael. Yum. Thanks for the Japanese Training kit you guys - very funny (items included "Wipes for Ichebum-san," straps to make my eyes slant, a 20 lb. bag of rice etc.). Lots of effort went into that and I am really greatful. A great birthday, so thanks everyone.
PS: Special thanks to mom and David for the giant suit case - when I asked for big they took me really seriously, and I'm greatful. (I don't know how I'm going to carry the thing, but I'm greatful!)
Tonight we have dinner at dad & Katherine's. Another night of not having to cook - I'm in heaven.  ¶ 6/24/2003 02:54:00 AM

  Under the bones is pain so long ignored, wished away for brief moments,
and in it all the voices of yesterday,
Of fear, self doubt, self loathing.
And I choose not to wrap myself around it anymore, in defeat.
Instead I'll use these two small hands to wrench it out and throw it away.
And although I now know that I am strong enough to carry it,
I choose not to.
I choose life instead.  ¶ 6/21/2003 03:43:00 PM

  I am such a brave, strong little girl; I let the dentist grind my teeth without any drugs. Unfortunately that has done nothing to aleviate the throbbing pain that has taken up residence in my jaw, and yes I am still eating like a rabbit with my front teeth, however I am now able to fit my teeth back together when I close my mouth. Apparently that's supposed to be some kind of consolation for constant pain and the inability to eat; the dentist seemed very excited that he had single-handedly caused my jaw to fit nicely back together. It's like something out of a nightmare; picture me in pain and shaking because I hate dentists, with this cackling crazy person grinning from ear to ear due to his "kind" act that could be likened to, I don't know, say saving the world. Crazy. And you'd have to be, to want to stare into the gaping crevices of people's mouths, see and smell what they ate for lunch, and take great pride in the fact that the giant needle from hell you're jamming into their jaws hasn't caused them to go into permanent paralysis or psychosis. And to think that all of this dental work is all for naught, and that I'll probably end up needing dentures anyway. Those will be some fun times I'm sure.
On another spectrum of my health, I'm off to the doctor's tomorrow for one of two visits to discuss whatever issues might affect me while I'm in Japan. I've said to the girls at work that I'm starting to feel like an old car that's being completely overhauled. Not one inch of this body is going to have gone unexplored if my health care professionals have anything to say about it. I want every possible vaccination I can get; hepatitis, flu, whatever. And I'm still a little nervous about the SARS issue over there, but have decided not to dwell on it even though they're a little wary of Canadian visitors right now. I'll save that as an issue to stress over at a later date.
Well our party is two nights away; did that ever creep up quickly. I just recently got rid of all the empties, and now we're going for another round. It should be fun, as it was a great crowd the first time around. Then Sunday I'm shopping with Barb and then having dinner at mom and David's (I got to pick my favorites, so I can't wait for that; thanking my lucky stars as well that mashed potatoes are one of my very favorite foods, as they won't be bothersome to eat). Monday we've got dinner at my dad and Katherine's, where I'll see my Grandma for the last time until I get back from Japan; she's going to Ontario for the summer and won't get back until after I leave.
Recieved another info package from "the company" and have to send in my application for health coverage with another passport photo. I keep procrastinating about choosing a medical plan and have got to get off of my butt and deal with it, as time keeps flying by so fast and I know that I'll be packing before I know it.
I heard a plane go by at work today and got a mass of butterflies in my stomach. I'm not afraid of flying, just of saying good-bye . . .  ¶ 6/20/2003 10:05:00 AM

  Wine making turned out to be a real trial last night - Barb & I sat on the deck in the sun while Frank & Jesse did whatever it is they needed to do to their witches brew; it's a very hard life let me tell you. Apparently three weeks from now is when the real work begins; Frank keeps ominously reminding me that that's when we have to do some extremely "vigorous" stirring for 3 sets of five minutes. He's so sinister about it that I'd almost be nervous, except that it reminds me of when our rafting guide called every major set of rapids the "something of death," and they weren't scary at all (even when I had the pleasure of being thrown in by my own sister).
My 25th birthday is coming up and I am not at all happy about it. (Well I'm excited about our party, cause we now know that Jesse and I throw the best parties). Everyone keeps telling me to get over it and to stop making such a mountain out of a mole-hill, but it's really bothering me. David ever so helpfully keeps pointing out that I'm going to be a quarter of a century; the word century (even when coupled with "a quarter of") is not helping matters at all. In fact, he also seems to think that my voice has taken on a more "crotchety" sound. Thanks to you David for all of the support.
I've been trying to convince everyone at work for over a year now that mom is vicious and abusive. Unfortunately my case is usually ignored, as mom chooses to beat me up outside of the public eye. Even when she punched me in the stomach today no one was around to see it; I think she uses her black magic (David is convinced that she's a witch and a vampire, and I'm starting to believe him cause she bites) to never get caught. Some day my lot in life will be witnessed, and until then I will attempt to carry this pain on my own.
Going to the dentist's again today to have him look at my teeth; it's been a week and my teeth are getting more painful rather than less painful, and I am starting to get really grouchy (or is that crotchety?) and really hungry. Apparently the white fillings can take up to 3 months to stop being sensitive. 3 months? Why didn't anyone tell me when I had the chance to choose the ugly silver ones? At least you can eat after those without looking like a rabbit (I have to use my front teeth), and without being made fun of by all of your loved ones who are supposed to care about you and feel sorry for you. Yes dad, I still remember where sympathy can be found (in his words, "in the dictionary between shit and syphillis"). Feel the love.  ¶ 6/18/2003 04:28:00 AM

  Father's Day brunch with dad & Katherine was really good (despite the orange juice incident), and the Thunderbirds book was a huge hit (major brownie points for daddy's little girl). Dinner at Barb & Frank's last night was great as well. September seems to be the perfect time to leave because our families get together so often during the summer that I'm able to get my fix as often as possible. The weather has been so condusive to hanging out outside, so we've been doing a lot of that with all of the people who matter most to us, and I feel so greatful to have the opportunity to see so much of everyone before I go. Being that we have Mother's Day, Father's Day, millions of birthdays (a minor exaggeration is not something I'm known for, right guys?!), long weekends and special occasions, I've been able to take advantage of every single weekend so far, and they're a great excuse for everyone to be in the same place. We're off to Barb and Frank's again tonight to do whatever the next step is in our wine making. I'm a little pissed that I won't be here to sample the fruits of our labour (being that it has to age for quite a while) and when I insisted to Jesse that he'd better save me some, Frank laughed and said I'd probably be tasting round five or six. Ha ha guys. Gotta get back to work!  ¶ 6/17/2003 06:27:00 AM

  I can't believe it's Saturday already! Last week I got my passport (thanks again David!) and tucked it away where there is no chance that anyone will see it. Yesterday afternoon Laurie stopped by for a visit (thanks again for the gift Laurs!) and this afternoon Barb stopped by for a visit. You may want to sit down for this one, but I actually have a life. Can you believe it, cause sometimes I can't! Today I did nothing but loaf and loaf and, well you get the picture. It felt really good to just relax for once, and not have to think about or do anything.
Jess and I have been planning on keeping journals to give to one another when I leave, so I started mine today. I found it very difficult to start because I have so many things to say; namely thank you for being so supportive of my dreams. He told me today that this is the best thing I could ever do for myself and that he's envious. He may even do some traveling himself when I get back. That made me feel really, really good. It seems he's always inspiring me to grow and change, and I guess I've never even considered the possibility that I do the same for him. He's also been really good at making me excited to do this; talking about how it will be my great adventure and such. Even though I'm the one who chose to do this it's easy to forget why I chose to do it when I start to panic about how much I'll miss everyone, and my cat (still can't go there). Now that I sound like a crazy, obsessed cat lady I'll move on!
I realized today that it has been exactly four months since I made a definite decision to go to Japan. Can you believe it? FOUR months. That's a third of the length of time I'll be gone, and it's flown by as if it was no time at all. That really put into perspective for me just how short a year really is. I mean, I'm sure it won't feel so fast at times while I'm there, but it really is insignificant in terms of the amount of time versus what I'll gain from the whole experience.
In closing, I'm reminded of the first thing Tracy said to me when I saw her after her surgery. She told me that what she had learned from her ordeal was that life is too short, especially too short to miss, and that what she wanted for everyone was for them to live their lives. I mean really live. And that says it all to me really. She gave me goose bumps at the time because I felt like her words were directed specifically to me, and not everyone in the room. For many years I felt as though I was in a fog, not living but merely surviving, in an automaton state. I refuse to do that anymore. I want to really dive into life now, to make things happen for myself, to feel as though I really have something to contribute to the grand scheme of things. And so I will attempt to do what Tracy asked, and start to really live my life. I love you Tracy for being a sister and a friend and an inspiration, and I thank you for giving me the best advice I've ever had.
Oops! I forgot to add that I have spent the last week practicing with the beginner Japanese tapes that Jesse bought me, and among other things, I can now say this:
"Watashiwa nihong ga sukoshi wakaramas," which means "I understand a little Japanese."  ¶ 6/15/2003 02:47:00 PM

  Acchhh...there's no time for this anymore. Yesterday poor mom schlepped me all over God's green acres and after the dentist's I didn't want to grimace in front of the camera for my passport photos (have you ever tried to smile with both sides of your face frozen?). Dinner at Barb and Frank's took me 45 minutes to eat and I was not amused. While there we started our wine batches, so I'm very excited to see the end results.
Today after getting the photos done, I finally dropped the contract in the mail. It's out of my hands now and I'm honestly more relieved than anything. David agreed to pick up my passport for me tomorrow because he works across the street from the office. Yay! It's all coming together. And tonight I can finally relax . . . yeah right. We're renovating!  ¶ 6/11/2003 06:13:00 AM

  Wooo... I have had no time over the past several days to sit down in front of this computer (as evidenced by the 108 junk mails in my hotmail)! Friday we helped Mel and Dwayne renovate their new house in all 35 degrees of heat, and went for a much needed swim afterward at Roy and Val's little corner of Heaven. Saturday in the AM I went to the bank and got my travel loan (thanks again for co-signing Daddy!) while Jesse and his dad put in our fantastic new front window, then we spent the afternoon renovating, and then last night went to a BBQ at Jeremy and Jodi's. There I was reminded yet again (not that I needed a reminder) of how much I love our two nieces, and how much I adore having time to spend being goofy with them (I am, I'll admit, just a big kid at heart, and had to borrow a T-shirt so I could have some serious play-time - boy can they wear their Aunty Meegan out in no time flat). Today I spent the better part of the morning having a visit slash gab-session with Laur-Laurs, spent the afternoon renovating, and spent the evening over at Roy and Val's for dinner and a swim. I just now completed my [insert company name] contract and am extremely relieved to have that out of the way. Tomorrow is the hard part-actually putting it in the mail box!!! As you can see it has been an extremely packed weekend and I now need to get my tired, old, aching body into bed for some much needed R&R (still too hot to sleep, I'm afraid). Tomorrow I have to get my cavities filled at 10:30, all 9 passport photos taken after work, and then we'll be spending the evening renovating. I am exhausted!! Night-night.  ¶ 6/09/2003 03:37:00 PM

  Not much to report today! I had a long talk with David and, having come up with a number of questions to pose with the company and discussed several of the things that were making me uncomfortable, I feel much much better. I came across a message board composed of entries from ex- [insert company name] teachers and there weren't many positive comments, so I felt a littlle discouraged until David, Jesse and my mom all pointed out that there are negative aspects of every job, that the people who left the company happy aren't likely to bother posting a message at all, and that accepting this job at all is at least an in (the company sets up the working visa so if the worst case scenario happens and I just can't work for them I'll at least be able to look for other companies once I'm in Japan). So now I feel much better about the whole situation and feel as though I'll have a good sleep for the first time in a long time, which is what I'm off to do right now!  ¶ 6/05/2003 01:48:00 PM

  Sometimes I feel like I am barely keeping it all together, and it's a darn good thing I recently invested in a daytimer - something I used to adamantly insist I could live without.
Today Jesse got up at 6 to take me to the passport office (what would I do without him?) because the buses don't run that early. Perhaps I should have researched the fact that the office doesn't open until 8:30, as it was a LONG wait, but fortunately I was actually number one in line. It's funny how just getting out of L....... for a few hours can feel like a major excursion; I used to think that all the weirdos live here, but every time I go downtown that opinion changes. I was not at all aware that there are people beyond the age of say five who believe that it is still acceptable to "budge" in line - do these people have no self-respect or is it just a lack of brain cells? I had always assumed that certain social "rules" are customarily followed, and I certainly don't have the balls to force my way in front of someone who is already cranky due to having been in a line-up for over an hour. Weird!
Also, and I know Laurie will know exactly what I mean by this, just riding the bus can be an eye-opener in and of itself. Why is it that (a) some people just don't get that you don't want to talk when your nose is buried in a book? Can these people read and carry on a conversation at the same time? I certainly don't have that talent, and I take a book on the bus because I don't want to get stuck talking to a perfect stranger for half an hour. Which brings me to point (b) which is that I always attract the attention of . . . er . . . special people on the bus. Every time. It NEVER fails. And I don't want to look like some complete creep by shunning these special, and often scary individuals. Please wash the smell of urine off of your bodies if you're going to enter my personal bubble. PLEASE!!
The last task of the day was going to the university to order my transcripts, and they were really inexpensive which was a nice surprise. Whew! Every day is nothing but task after task after task. It's so hard to have a job right now because there is so much still left to do that can only be done during business hours. Thank goodness I have such an understanding boss!
  ¶ 6/04/2003 01:43:00 PM

  Two new things crossed off of my "To Do" list today; had a check-up and cleaning at the dentist (crap on a cracker, I have 3 cavities) and took my glasses in to Sears to have them fixed. Get this: the coating is coming of off of the lenses, the lenses on both pairs are still under warranty, but my prescription has changed and they won't replace the glasses with the new prescription even though the lenses will be replaced anyway. What a load of cow dung. Of course we could just pay full price to replace the lenses with the new prescription, but I said no way Jose, and will have them replaced somewhere else at a later date.
In other news today, the package with my contract and job offer finally came today, and my first thought was there is no way I'm signing this until a lawyer sees it. There are some pretty questionable inclusions, in my opinion, such as blanks where the contract term and salary should have been filled in. I have to initial each page and sign the last page, but the important info is left out? I don't think so. Also, there are several things I need to send with the contract that I was not told about at the interview; for example, I have to send 9 passport photos (at ten bucks a pop you would think they could have mentioned that sooner), two copies of my UVic transcripts (at twenty-five bucks a pop that could have been mentioned sooner as well), and they want all of my documents by June 12, which means I have to pay almost double for rush processing on my passport. All I can hear is KA-CHING. So I have to lug my sorry self down to the passport office at 7 A.M. tomorrow and shell out $150, if I even end up near the front of the line, otherwise I'll have to try again the next day . . . and so on. I truly hope someone out there looking into teaching in Japan will come across this little slice of my life and see what is really involved. It's not as if I expected to throw some clothes in a bag and hop on a plane just like that, but this is definitely more involved than I had anticipated. I'm not having second thoughts, but I hope this will be an eye opener for at least one person who, like myself, started out by focusing only on the being there, rather than the getting there!
Wish me luck!  ¶ 6/03/2003 10:30:00 AM

  Yay!! It's official; I'm now Meegan [insert last name] according to my new birth certificate, so I never even have to think about the old last name again. This is great as the birth certificate saga I went through with the office of the Registrar General in Ontario almost drove me crazy, and I can now worry about going to apply for the passport (previously mentioned passport photos are still not being offered for public viewing, so don't even ask me!).
At this very moment I am using a hair highlighting kit I bought centuries ago with the hopes of having some sexy blond streaks (Jesse loves Asian girls with blond streaks, so perhaps I'm doing this in a fit of jealousy? who knows!). Anyone that came to the door right now would see how attractive I look with saran wrap and tin foil wrapped all over my head. Jesse has strict instructions to keep his cel phone close by just in case I need him to make an emergency trip to the drug store for any dark brown dye he can get his hands on at this hour. If this doesn't work photos of this mishap will not be available either!
Last night I got a sense of how difficult it will be to leave everyone behind for a whole year; all it took was one hug from Barb and an "I'll miss you" from Frank to drive me to tears. I can't even think about missing a whole year of Mariah's life either, as she is such an incredibly special little girl, and I love her so much it breaks my heart. Thank goodness she and Jordie-girl will still have their Uncle Jesse!
Before I sign off I should thank those of you who, so helpfully, keep pointing out to Jesse that he has nothing to worry about in the infidelity department, seing as how I'll be (apparently) surrounded by nothing but small . . . er . . . members. You guys are great!
Gotta go wash out this awful smelling goo and survey the damage!
~~HAIR SAGA UPDATE~~
For all of you ladies out there who, like me, want to save some $$ by attempting to highlight your hair at home, please heed this advice: for the love of God let a professional do it. My having Jesse on standby turned out to be a wise decision, as my hair ended up looking brown and blond and a disgusting brassy red. Jesse, being the wonderful soul that he is, drove me all over the place trying to find a store that was open (yes I actually went out in public with the aforementioned disaster of a lid), and God bless the box stores that are open until ten! I had five minutes to find the right colour, headed straight back home with it, and am now sitting with my head wrapped in a Thrifty's bag waiting for this nightmare to end. The moral of the story is: stop being stingy and have it done right the first time. Oh yeah, there's another one: listen to your mother. Mine told me not to risk this and I did it anyway.  ¶ 6/02/2003 01:08:00 PM

  For those of you who know me this information will be redundant, but you've all shown so much interest in my decision to move to Japan that I thought I'd keep you updated in the easiest manner possible, and this is obviously it. Some of you want to know why I've decided to take such a drastic step in the first place; all I can tell you is that this is something I've wanted to do for many years and that the desire to do so hasn't gone away despite my best efforts to ignore the pangs I've had. Japan is extremely far away and I'll miss all of you so much that I'm often moved to tears thinking about it, but I try to remember that a year in the broader picture of one life is truly miniscule. So perhaps you're wondering how all of this happened? I've been talking about doing this forever and a day, and a respected friend suggested that my intentions might seem more believable were I actually taking steps to achieve it. That very day I applied online to what I feel is an extremely reputable company, received an invitation to interview in Vancouver for a position with them, and went to Vancouver with my mom and David one month later. For those of you who know me well suffice it to say that my interview day had negative effects on my . . . er . . . stomach, and that I left the interview feeling as though I wouldn't get the job because my competitors seemed so much more qualified for the position. However, one week after the interview I was congratulated over the phone by my interviewer and told that my contract and job offer are in the mail. I am now anxiously anticipating its arrival, making list after list of things I'll need to take (from what I've been told about the cost of American products in Japan, you'd better believe I'll be taking an arsenal of tampons, deoderant, and various other necessities), waiting for my passport (as much as I love you, most of you will never be allowed to see those pictures while I'm still living), and in general attempting to prepare for what proves to be the most terrifying and exciting adventure of my life. I hope to spend as much time with my family and friends as possible, and hope you'll make every effort to make me laugh over the next three months, as I am a jumble of nerves and emotions. Your support means everything. I'll keep you posted!  ¶ 6/01/2003 06:11:00 AM